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August 17,2023
It was a Dark and Stormy Night... when I left the movie theatre after having just watched Christopher Nolan's epic biography of J. Robert Oppenheimer.
The flashes of lightning in the distance and the muffled sound of rolling thunder took me back to the days of my youth when I too, conducted dangerous Physics experiments.
One particular experiment stands out from those days.
It was back in early '90s before we had kids and we had rented a 43 ft sailboat out of Rock Hall, MD for a weekend of sailing on the Chesapeake Bay.
This particular weekend - I think it was the 4th of July - we were sailing with our friends Tim and Marie Wyatt.
Tim grew up on the water and really knows his way around a boat, so it was a relaxing two days cruising around the Bay exploring tributaries and dodging crab pots.
On Saturday afternoon we decided to drop anchor for the night on one of the many creeks that empty into the Bay from Maryland.
We picked a quite spot a few yards from shore and dropped anchor around five o'clock.
We also brought a cooler up on deck, turned the Drinking Lamp on and kicked off Happy Hour.
While Corinne and Marie relaxed with their cocktails and books on the transom, Tim and I decided we would try our hand at fishing.
While catching a fish would have been nice, I think we would have been fine if all we ended up catching was a buzz...
So I unpacked my fishing rod and reel and cast a lure towards shore.
Unbeknownst to me - the handle to my reel had become loose while in transit and as I tried to crank the handle to retrieve the lure, the handle fell into the Bay.
Since we were only in about 12 feet of water, I decided to get my swimming goggles and dive in to see if I could find the handle.
I lowered myself down the side of the sailboat, took a deep breath and dived down to see if I could spot the handle.
There were a couple of problems...
One, the water was murky
and
Two, by the time I got to the bottom on each dive I was almost out of air, so I had to resurface after only a few seconds on the bottom.
There had to be a better way.
That's when I had a - Heineken inspired - moment of brilliance and asked Tim to get the hose we used to spray down the deck and lower it over the side so that I could use it breathe under water.
With the hose, I imagined that I would just walk along the bottom like one of those Deep Sea Divers that I used to read about in National Geographic when I was a kid.
Corinne and Marie had been taking this all in from their reading perches on the back of the boat and found the entire operation very amusing.
Well, with the hose firmly in hand and some additional weights in my pockets I lowered myself to the bottom of the Bay and then when I got there, I raised the hose to my mouth, removed my thumb from the opening - and took a deep breath.
Nothing, Nada, Zilch...
I sucked for air for about two seconds and no matter how hard I tried - nothing happened.
Then after a few more seconds my head and chest felt like they were going to implode so I blasted to the surface gasping for air.
As I popped up next to the boat Tim tried to stifle a laugh and asked if I was okay - but Corinne and Marie were laughing hysterically.
Apparently, there had been a flaw in my plan.
You see, this is what you get for not paying attention in Physics class in high school...
If I had - I would have remembered that the water pressure increases substantially with every foot you descend and that after about five feet of water, it is impossible for a human to have the capability to inhale enough air to breath via a hose - or any other type of static breathing tube.
I guess that is why you never see 6 ft snorkels.
Who knew that?
Well, actually - it turns out a lot of people knew that - including Corinne, Marie, and Dr. Oppenheimer.
But they were Theoretical Physicists - Corinne, Marie and Oppie - all happy to live in their Ivory Towers reading books and using big words at cocktail parties.
Tim and I on the other hand were conducting cutting edge Applied Physics in the real world with our hose breathing experiment.
In the end however, as the movie Oppenheimer demonstrates - both Theoretical and Applied Physics are important.
So listen up kids - and pay attention in Physics class.
And remember that with the help of Physics you can one day...
"I am Become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds"
and you can also avoid Embarrassing Gaffes in front of your friends during Happy Hour...
