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November 22, 2025
For the past thirteen months LuLu and I have been visiting the memory care unit at a local retirement community.
LuLu hates the car.
So when this opportunity came up and the drive was only two minutes instead of twenty, I jumped on it.
I had never spent real time with people who had memory issues and I wasn't sure what to expect.
My first visit did not go as planned.
I'm terrible with names, so I made it my mission to learn every resident's name that first day.
After about an hour it was time to head home. I went around the room, thanked each resident, and repeated their name so I could keep it straight.
All was going well until I got to the last woman in the circle.
"Thank you for your time, Donna," I said.
She looked up at me with a twinkle in her eye and said, "My name is Helen dear. But don't worry about it. This is memory care and you are welcome to join us here."
I was not expecting that. All I could do was laugh and promise her I would never get her name wrong again.
Fast forward to today's visit.
Some of the people I met on that first day are no longer there.
New faces appear every time we walk in.
One of my neighbors, a man I met shortly after moving into the community, now lives in memory care.
I see him every visit. He seems happy and always wants to talk about music. His recall of songs from different eras is incredible. It's like that part of his mind is lit up bright.
Today LuLu and I spent time with a resident we've known since the beginning.
We sat with her in her room watching the Hallmark Channel.
They all watch the Hallmark Channel.
I asked her again about her life in Florida and her husband Tony.
In her mind she is still living there. Tony is just out running errands. He'll be home any minute.
And today I was reminded of something important.
My friends in memory care are living in their own time and space.
I'm just visiting.
If I want to be a good visitor, I need to meet them where they are.
So for the next fifteen minutes, LuLu and I sat with her and talked about her Thanksgiving plans with Tony.
She glowed as she described their holiday, the turkey, and who would be coming over.
We asked every little question so she could keep painting that world for us.
The truth is that she'll spend Thanksgiving with her friends in memory care, and Tony will only be there in spirit.
But that world she holds onto is the one she needs.
So LuLu and I are wishing her the warmest, happiest Thanksgiving - with Tony.
And honestly?
That feels exactly right.
